This gushing has come suddenly, so if I’m rambling it is because I am writing faster than I am thinking. If I have poor subject/verb agreement or if I lack consistency in my tense, I apologize. Gushing requires breaking the rules.

First, my husband. I love him and today I think he needs to know it. When I was single, lonely and poor I dreamed of the day when I would be with him forever. I remember our wedding day as – not just because EVERYONE says this – but as the happiest day of my life so far. I could see happiness, smell happiness and feel it all around me that day. It was like pure joy finally had physical form. That’s how my husband makes me feel. Sometimes we are at each others throats. In fact, we probably fight more so and with more passion than any other couple. You can ask anyone of our family members or friends. Fighting all the time. But we are a good match. We can stand up and fight, and then sit down and laugh our hammocks off. He makes me so happy. He is my best friend. Today, I gush over you. In tears and words.

Second, my baby. I miss you so much. Pregnancy is scary, and even though I worried about you every day of those 10 weeks, I knew you would be in my heart forever. Letting you go was very sad and it broke my heart. I’m sure you would have been a superhero kid. I will tell all your future siblings that you were the smartest and prettiest of them all. And you will get first dibs on our pad in heaven.

I cannot say how grateful I am for my life. Mercy is astounding. Everything, I mean EVERYTHING, I have is a result of goodness and kindness. I am not one to say, Why me? Why now? But I admit, I have asked these questions in recent months. I could not be more grateful for all the good things I do have in my life. I could not be more grateful for the beauty and the strength that I have because of the rough things, the ugly things. Life is so real, and I guess that’s what makes it beautiful. Sadness, joy, love – these things make life tangible, real. I am grateful for all of it.

Gushing terminated.