Today, I would have been 17 weeks pregnant – not monumental, I know – but still, it seems so improbable. I wonder when I will stop wondering what might have been. I am ready to look forward, goodness knows I am not one to sit around, swallowed up in the what ifs, but preganancy seems as far from me as it does close to me. Like I am stuck in the middle. I seem so far from being 17 weeks pregnant, and yet there are days, like today, when I swear that baby is still there.
I haven’t really had too much time to think about this miscarriage with my head. I’ve been rather busy getting our new apartment, working, schooling, working, packing, and working, but I know that the pieces of my heart that shattered on February 29th are slowly patching themselves back together.
Oh, and next month begins the Jacob and Leanne Wadenpfuhl Baby-Making-Fest ‘08, so watch out. I will not be blogging much. You know – to save my energy.
Praying for you dearest!
And… have lot’s of fun with the Baby-Making-Fest ‘08! Yeah!
Thanks Jenny!
I don’t think you stop wondering.
These months will pass, your due date will come and go -and you will wonder.
You will bring a child in to the world with in pain and joy, and you will still wonder, Your child will grow and more will come,
but you will always wonder what might have been.
Time erodes the wall of grief, emptiness recedes
and eventual motherhood fills your days and your heart.
But the wondering never stops.
You are eternally bound to an eternal soul.
Wonder away…