I’ve been grappling with some tough questions lately, despite my best efforts to shelve them and just think about how awesome Poppy’s first summer is turning out to be.
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world because I am blessed with so many things. What Jacob and I lack in treasures, we make up for in priceless moments that we enjoy together. We’ve never wanted to do the American-dream-with-the-white-picket-fence thing. Not our style. We don’t own a home, nice cars, hearty furniture, or the latest clothes. We can’t afford any pets, or the luxuries of the Western world that include paid-for-television, organic food, and eating out. We can’t afford these things because we have made a choice not to be able to afford them. That’s confusing, I know. What I mean is that the lifestyle we live, is the one we are choosing to live. We’ve prioritized our lives to get us to this place of having very little money to live on.
When we got married, neither of us had a real, or sustainable job. I was teaching ballet part-time and Jacob was finding small-business freelance work wherever he could. I was still in school, but Jacob chose not to pursue college. We lived in the finished attic of our pastor’s house and paid rent that you would laugh at. We ate a lot of Ramen noodles that first year.
While those memories seem fond from a distance, I remember being a little afraid of our plan. Our plan was to pursue what we loved, worked where and when we could, and leave the rest up to God. Some called us irresponsible. We were pretty poor. But we knew in our hearts that we would rather live without certain things than to live with jobs we hated or lives we regretted. And even though we were young and stupid, we also knew that when we looked down the road, we wanted to have things like a global family, time for each other, passion in our work, and the ability to pursue our wildest dreams. We knew that if we didn’t start a plan to live in accordance with our goals back then, we would be setting the wrong pattern for the rest of our lives.
Not much has changed since our first year of marriage. Jacob did get hired on full-time to a place that he was freelancing for, but we still live on very little money. Despite the dollar and cents budgeting that is required with this kind of lifestyle, it suits us very well. We are still wearing the same clothes we bought years ago at second hand stores, and we still eat Ramen noodles quite frequently (though we’ve now upgraded to include oyster crackers!). Whatever we enjoy in life, we don’t take for granted. We appreciate the gifts and the vacations our family and friends have provided us knowing that we don’t have a recreation budget.
We frequently talk about moving forward, re-aligning our lives to free us up, and passing on things that we want in order to save for things we REALLY want. We know adoption is in our near future, so we’ve cut more tiny luxuries from the grocery budget (oh alcohol, we loved you!). We know Jacob wants to get back to freelancing at some point in his career, so we’ve cut two planned trips out this year and have started taking on freelance jobs for him to build his portfolio.
I know none of these ideas are revolutionary and we’ve had some very good examples of goal-oriented living in our lives. Our parents, for example, lived lives without luxuries so they could grow their families, have time for their each other, and have time and energy for their passions. I am grateful for their examples.
I struggle everyday asking myself if we’re doing the right thing. I know we are taking the path less traveled and sometimes I wonder why. Is there merit in what we’re doing? Will Poppy benefit from what we are trying to do? After all, she won’t have a college fund or be able to go to private school or have things she sees her friends having. I know in my heart the values I want to give my children are good. But sometimes I still question if we’re doing the right thing. In the flesh, our lives look much like they did three years ago when we first got married. It isn’t easy to see if we’re making any headway.
I’m really going on about this now. I will spare you. So, readers, what about you? I realize some of you have very different plans than I do, but it’s all good. I want to hear lots of different sides. Do you ever question, for better or worse, the lifestyle you are living and how it impacts your family and your children? How do you keep from second-guessing yourself?
First of all i’m writting on my itouch, which may cause issues. Secondly, I’m still in the posistion of begginning to choose the lifestyle that I want for myself, let alone any family. But the way I approach my own life and lifestyle is trying to think of someone else in every situation. I think selflessness can extend beyond what we think. If you can learn to live your life for the people around and no matte what it is have someone else in mind, you can live with a peace that you can’t explain. So that’s how I try and live. It doesn’t always happen but I think it would be a fantastic way for the world to function. I think selflessness is a lost art. Yet we have a perfect example of a life perfectly lived in selflessness.
I think you, and you two…and now your your growing family really impress me. ALL THE TIME. The simplicity and the honesty. the pure fun, and freedom that results. its intoxicating. I see Bella and Nate drunk on it when you visit…and they always want more. always thirsty for it. it’s a relationship like no other. A relationship uncluttered by all baggage of the normal world. the world they aren’t at all thirsty for.
I wonder all the time about the phrase “financial freedom” and sort of trade responses based on my mood, between: laughing and crying. I mean, REALLY. We are so blessed to love what we do. to love it. And anytime we make a financial advance, we have a need….and this cycle constantly raises this question you battle. Are we choosing the right thing? Are we making headway? I used to panic all the time, and fret on the dollars and cents. And our God provided for me anyway. I gave it up. I was sick of all the financial stress. Sure, money is still not my favorite topic…and even though I have very little of it to control, I can finally say that it doesn’t control me. It can’t make my decisions for me.
I like how thrifty we are. And I LOVE when I see our little Craunlets being thrifty. Saving something, reusing something. Sharing the little that they do have with a neighbor kid who has even less. It breaks my heart with joy.
You are doing the right thing. Love, time, fulfillment, and freedom are so much more important than money. Poppy may lack a college fund, but she is gaining knowledge and wisdom. I, too, grew up lacking much of what many of my friends had, and it was difficult. But every time I look back, I am so thankful that my parents raised me the way that they did. They did so much with so little, and everything that they had, they gave to us.
I respect you guys and the life that you are living. It is a life that we desire, as well. I always wanted love over money, and I expected to be at home with the kids, struggling to pay bills but happy to be a family. Currently we just struggle to pay the bills, occasionally splurging on things to make up for the lack of children, lol. We both hate our jobs and would jump at the chance to do something fulfilling, as long as our income could still put food on the table and a roof over our heads. We’re just still waiting for that something. And some other somethings. :)
So…I read your blog…and don’t comment. But I will today. I know your husband, I know your family, very little do I know you. JUST from your blog I know you love your daughter more than anything, your husband too. Values and passions are more important than anything…God excluded in that anything. Josh and I are lately reevaluating what our family is. Our daughter has grown so quickly (she is 9 now), her values and morals shaped so quickly by the outside world, when we thought she was shaped enough by us. The conversation we had in the car today was saddening, the trip to Justice just for girls, to return an I LOVE JOE (Jonas) shirt she was gifted, turned into a teachable moment, yet I don’t think I am winning.
Don’t give up what you have dreamed for your future. Don’t you dare. Be poor, don’t have jobs you hate, YOU are doing the right thing, there is merit. There is a bright future. I think the rest of us have it all WRONG.
PS your daughter is freakin adorable and I love to peek at your lovely photos to get my cute fix!
[...] dreams am I over-thinking? In the wake of yesterday’s thoughts and a provoking conversation with a good friend last night, I am left standing today asking myself [...]
Everyday I regret the fact that I went back to school for dental hygiene…I wanted to “be” something, something with a title…and I wanted a higher paying job so I could pay off my debts faster…Now I worry about whether or not I will be able to stay home with Poppy! I ended up with a job I HATED, and double the debt…So higher education and keeping up with the rest of society isn’t what it is cracked up to be…I often think I would have been so much better for it in the end if I had have stayed out of school until I knew what I wanted and not tried to cram myself into some hole that I thought I should fit into…I should have taken a loan and started my organic store boutique that I always wanted and been way ahead of this green trend now hitting!
I don’t know how to correct my course now.
e.
Thank you for sharing and allowing me to see that we are not the only ones out there making choices for our children that many may or may not understand. That living a life that we can feel inside ourselves, as our place to be is more important than the “American Dream” I trying to live with myself and nature and not against them. Smiling and knowing that I am making the choice to be in this life rather than in one that I feel I am required to be.
dear author,
1. you are a beautiful writer in all seasons, and someday when i marry michael owen i will pay for you to stay home and write children’s books
2. i oftentimes regret decisions i have made in the past… i sometimes regret the decisions to not choose to pursue the things i love. i have watched you closely the last several years and i must say that i am so proud of you and your husband… stay passionate and never regret your decisions thus far. seek the face of God, be confident in your decisions and stand in faith, and do not fear what the future may bring. after all, “a life lived in fear is a life half lived.”
3. furthermore (in regards to the whole “college fund for poppy” part), traditional financial planning (”patty boy” would throw green eggs and ham at me if he read what i am about to write), career management, and pursuit of the american dream are in no way assurance or insurance to a life of ease. a credible source is not even needed to support that statement… just read any issue of the cleveland plain dealer from the last 2-3 years and you will find that it is the wealthy, the bankers, and the republicans who have been hit the hardest during this economic decline. you are certainly not wealthy and you are not a banker, but yet you still have joy… i suppose you are ahead of the game
4. in regards to your american dream… this dream you speak of is one giant diaper full of green diarrhea. so often we, as residents of the northern region of the western hemisphere, focus so hard on accumulating more and more that we forget why we are doing what we are doing. is it really so important to have a $900 grill on our deck-porch-patio so that not only will we save time by cooking 18 hotdogs instead of 14 at one time, but we can also spend more time sipping grey goose on ice b/c, alas, the $900 grill is self-cleaning!? love, the white picket fence surrounding the perfectly squared grassy patch we claim as our front yard is broken. it is scratched and chipped, it has been attacked by squirrels, the boards to the left are loose and missing a few nails, and i believe there is a large whole over to the right. in a society where the majority of our neighbors either choose to ignore the chips and unevenness of the white fence, or they see that the fence is slightly more than dilapidated but cannot see past it…
5. finally, back to point no2… i have on several accounts regretted my decision(s) to pursue something less than typical and to make of my life something slightly less than successful (according to the world’s estimation), and to do something or go somewhere which may or may not have appeared very logical in regards to finances. sometimes we lose focus and forget our initial passions/dreams/desires. sometimes we forget that the white picket fence is broken, and we think that perhaps that IS the way to go. sometimes we forget that beyond the broken white fence is an even greater broken world. you mentioned that you wanted to begin your marriage with a goal-oriented mindset… do not ever forget those goals. forgetting leads to doubting, and doubting leads to hasty decisions, and hasty decisions lead to the waste of many things. while your children may not inherit a villa on the coast of italy, they will acquire the joy of family, hope in relationships, a passion for life, a vision for humanity, an love for the arts, and potentially vegetarianism.
sincerely,
anonymous
ps-this was not proofread… and thus may not make a whole lot of sence