Poppy had her six month well-check today. She’s a hefty 19 pounds and falls in the 90th percentile for weight and the 75th percentile for both height and head circumference. If you’re going to do something, do it big. Am I right?
As I was talking with the doctor today, the issue of separation anxiety came up. The baby who once slept 10 hours straight at night and took several naps per day has suddenly lost her capability to fall asleep or stay asleep without Mom or Dad being in the room. And 3AM is the new hoppin’ playtime y’all. It’s like a midnight rave every night in that sweet little nursery of hers. The doctor and I talked and eliminated options like hunger, teething, etc. Turns out that little gal has just figured out that she likes being near me and when she starts reciting the Pledge of Allegiance over and over in the middle of the night, I will come and be with her.
I realize that there are several schools of thought on how to deal with this, and I would really, really like to hear from the mothers out there that have ever had a six month with the will of a mule. All that is clear to me right now is that this household cannot function without sleep. Poppy is so cranky and out of sorts and I know she is exhausted. I need suggestions – is there a happy medium between letting her cry it out and full-blown co-sleeping? Poppy doesn’t seem like the baby that would go for either of those extremes. Is there a magic baby sleeping pill y’all aren’t telling me about? Am I destined to live a sleepless life of brain farts and “What did I walk in here to get?”
Help!
we have a 14 month old. we did a compromise between cry it out and run to get her. we let her cry for 5 min, went in to pick her up and comfort her for a minute. then we put her down and waited 10 min this time. repeat comfort. wait 15 min. repeat. wait 20. ect…. it really worked well(for us) and only took a couple of nights until she got that we hadn’t abandoned her to scream for hours so she might as well just sleep. and she does. for at least 12 hours every night. happy mommy.
BEST PICTURE EVER. Love it.
You probably won’t like this – but our doc strongly emphasized making our son cry it out. It’s rough, I’m not going to lie. The first night was TERRIBLE – he was up every hour just wailing like he’d gotten his head cut off (waaait, that doesn’t add up). But after 3 nights – slept like a dream.
Still does. Today we can put him in his bed at night and he puts himself to sleep. Same for naps – I simply say, okay buddy, it’s naptime and put him down, walk out and shut the door. He does the rest.
Hang in there.
Hmmmm…
I have a mix of thoughts. And a little quip that saved my nerves in these moments. Something I always tried to remember. [Especially when fielding criticism of too much holding, snuggling, etc...from family + friends about spoiling our babes...]
Nothing in the natural world spoils from love.
[but rather often from neglect]
Despite my patchy memory, I can remember going in to “reassure” bella during he night wakings. I remember the pediatrician suggesting we do this until she got back to sleep for a night or two, then console her for 15-20 minutes and put her down, then 10, then 5…sort of weaning her off of “attention want” by reducing minutes progressively. Turns out crying for a 30 second face time, no longer proved worth waking up for…
My last bit. Oh dear it is all too short. Never in a million years would I imagine looking back on the night screaming days of the Bella with fondness, but it was precisely then that I truly learned how to love. And the wee baby Nate, he wanted snuggles all night long, and now worms his hand out of being held in want of his independence.
Surely you need a measure of rest, but I assure you also that in what will seem like a moment you will turn around, and find yourself in an entirely different season, and have a foggy love-colored memory of this one.
I found this blog recently when I was trying to give advice on this very quandry to another mama.
http://parentingbabytosleep.blogspot.com/2008/02/baby-crying-or-cry-it-out-and-cortisol.html
We’re a co-sleeping family, within reason. I believe that history and other cultures have shown that babies need to be within a certain proximity of their parents…and for us, that means that we sleep with out babies. That doesn’t work for everyone, and that’s completely ok (there are nights when it doesn’t work for us, either, lol). Would it be a possibility to let Poppy sleep in your room, but not in your bed?
For what it’s worth, we co-slept with our oldest son…and he now (at age 2 1/2, but since about 1 1/2) sleeps perfectly, peacefully, and happily in his own bed. In his own room. And can put himself to sleep….without every having to shed a tear over it.
Also, Dr. Ferber, the “inventor” of CIO basically recanted his own theory.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10056203/
when i would babysit Judah (at 6 months) he would cry in the afternoon so to comfort him I would talk to him about how much he was loved and I would start dreaming about all the wonderful things he could be when he got older and once his “anxiety” was calmed down b/c he knew he was deeply loved and there was a wonderful future ahead for him he would pass out cold. it’s amazing what a little prayer & prophecy can do for kids.
also….the premise of this website really put all of those sleepless nights in perspective for me. cheesy? perhaps. sometimes us mamas need a bit of cheesy, though. :-)
http://www.theyearsareshort.com/
Crying it out can be very dangerous. Not a good idea for any baby. I know how lack of sleep is a bad thing for everyone. We are living that pretty much here now. Have you tried to bring the baby into your room? Push her crib up next to your bed? Not bed sharing but co-sleeping in the same room? We have done it with both our kids now and I have to say it has worked pretty well.
Oh a side note, any Dr. who would suggest CIO would be the last person I would ever go back to. Babies just want to be with us as it is human nature!
Thanks for the reminders, Jen and Emilie. We always leave her bedroom with sighs of happiness and sadness in the middle of the night. I love that she needs us right now. Jacob especially loves being needed and snuggled by that little bunny right now.
I just have to figure out a way to get her some sleep and rest. She needs it bad. I know she’s tired… Some good suggestions here… incremental reassurance being one of them. I would never want Poppy to feel as though she has been left alone. Too heartbreaking.
Last night was a trip – between Poppy and the kitten, I’m not sure Jacob or I got a wink of sleep. At one point, we rolled over and caught each other’s glance. Huge smiles spread across our faces. Here we are at 4AM awake wrangling a kitten and a baby. We’re crazy. Crazy in love :)
It’s very likely that she’s either about to explode with a new milestone (crawling, rolling, etc) OR that she’s just hitting her six month growthspurt.
How about putting a pnp in your room for a few nights with Poppy in it and seeing how she does? Then you’re not full on co-sleeping, but you’re also in the same room, which might just be *exactly* what she needs right now.
Good luck. :)
So for the room-sharing/co-sleeping parents… how does it work when your munchkin just wants to play? If we bring Poppy into our room or bed, she just gets talkative and becomes even more wide awake. Whenever we are in the same room with her, the amount of time she spends awake at night gets even longer (upwards of two hours sometimes). The morning aftermath is obviously rough on her. Poppy has always slept better on her own (even as a newborn she slept in a bassinet next to our bed). She spent the first four months in our room, but I’m not sure that would work now. Unless there is something from the technique of room-sharing that I’m missing?
ours wouldn’t sleep with us in the room, either. you will find what works for you, and this stage/phase will fly by and soon be forgotten.
both our babes were pretty sure that if they were in our room, it was party time.
bella specifically, slept so so much better all by herself. in her crib.
i’m pretty sure the babes still think we party down here without them…bella LOVES the idea of sleeping in the nest with us when she is sick. like a reward. Nate insists night time bathroom trips warrant a walk down stairs…
we have decided to keep all “post bedtime activity” upstairs…their is on “reward” for waking, it’s business…we tend to it lovingly, we answer the cries. bring water. help them on the potty. bathe off vomit. whatever the need warrants. patiently, lovingly, but with no note or indication of celebration…
bella sometimes refers to the upstairs as “our house” [meaning her's + nate's] … I think it’s cute.
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