Thursdays always make me think…

Coming into my parentness has been the most incredible journey I have traveled thus far. More incredible than my journey into adolescence and adulthood. More transforming than my journey into wifehood. Parenthood has been the fastest track to the discovery of so many things about myself, my spouse, my family, my friends, my world. Truly.

The hardest thing about becoming a parent has been the labels. Really, you wouldn’t believe what’s going on out there in the parent ‘hood. So many labels, arguments, crusaders. A new parent has to but merely hit “breastfeeding” in the Google search bar to find a myriad of angry, hurt, justice-questing parents blogging, tweeting, and creating Internet cliques for parents on every point on the parenting spectrum. As a new parent, it’s so hard to find a place to fit. When every other parent feels as though they must take on the cause for YOUR child, it can be super overwhelming to hold your own and do what you know is the best for your baby.

Before I had Poppy, I thought I knew who I was and how I felt about the way I wanted to live. After just six months of coming into my parentness, I am finding that I know nothing for sure about myself and even less for sure about the world around me.

There is an unspoken cloud looming around parenting and the Internets. An almost tangible pressure on new parents to fight the attachment parenting/hippie/crunchy against the mainstream/plastic parenting style. If you’re not for the “cause” then you are against it. If you dare open your mouth and say, “Look, this is OK for me and my family and it lines up with our values,” you had better be ready for the Internet’s equivalent of a tropical storm. You will be left standing alone in the wreckage of your choices and your once confidence.

When I DECIDED to give up on breastfeeding after seven weeks of trying, with not but one ounce a day of milk and several shady prescription orders from New Zealand, I was wracked with so much guilt. If one more person said to me, “Breast is Best!” I was going to puke. Do you really need to tell me that? Obviously I can tell from my own body that it’s trying to feed it’s new baby, but it can’t. I don’t need anyone to tell me that what my body should do naturally is the best thing for me and my child.

And you know what? You don’t need to tell anyone else. If they want to bottle feed, then it’s their choice. I’m sure their baby will be just fine, because mine is. Whether it’s for medical or convenience reason, what does it matter to you? If you feel guilty telling a woman who can’t breastfeed for medical reasons that she is not doing what is best for her and her baby, then why do you need to take up the cause against a mother who makes the same choice for a different reason? Choice, people. Choice. I believe strongly in it and I think every new parent should be supported in their CHOICES. For the same reason I believe in homosexuals’ right to adopt, the right of parents to chose any form of education they see fit for their children, and the right of every parent to live in peace with the decisions they make for themselves and their children. Come on Internets, grow up. Don’t take up causes for people who have every sense and right to make choices for their babies. It’s all good, yo.

Breastfeeding isn’t the only issue here. Natural birth. Organic food. Pacifiers. The list goes on. I used to think very black-and-white on these issues, but after experiencing them all myself, I don’t think I could every say any of them are black-and-white ever again. I wouldn’t do that to any parent who made a different choice than me. It’s about peace with ourselves, ultimately.

When I was pregnant, a trusted friend had me recite this… “If breastfeeding makes my baby smart, then formula makes my baby….?”

“Dumb?” I said.

Dumb. Poppy has been on formula since she was seven weeks old and I will punch anyone IN THE FACE who says she is dumb. Fer real. I will.

So let’s stop the back and forth. The hands up, guns out appraoch to parenting choices. Let’s honestly learn how to live in harmony, whether you are a co-sleeping, crunchy mama or a stroller-pushing, bottle-feeding mama. Let’s not set our kids against each other so early on. We’re all in the same court, let’s find what we have in common instead of what we don’t. Internets, let’s all be friends!