Now that Poppy’s first birthday is passed, I feel such a sense of relief. I can hardly explain it. Celebrating the end of her babyhood this weekend brought on sort of strange, yet welcomed, emotional release. I’m not kidding.

It started when I spent all of last week looking at pictures of her first few days in the world. I stared for long, long periods of time at her tiny hands, her dark squinty eyes, her wrinkled skin, and her jerkish movements on video. By the time Sunday rolled around, I felt a total sense of release, like a weight lifting from my heart. Again, I’m not kidding. I cried a few tears alone that morning, but then things started to change. Even the way I look at Poppy today is different. She’s full on into toddlerhood and I am finally okay with that. Did you hear me? I AM OKAY WITH THAT.

Even during the tough times and sleepless nights, I think I did a pretty fine job of staying present in every moment this past year. I don’t regret ANY decision, not even the bad ones. I can close this chapter on our lives and say that it was a very well-spent year. It was rich and full and crazy and rewarding and difficult and joyous and long and short, and well, you get the idea.

We are on to toddlerhood and so far, I like it alright. Poppy did lick the toilet seat today, but hey.