Good bye, Internet! Hello beautiful, quiet, incredible nature.

Aren’t they beauties?

I’ll admit, I’ve lost quite a bit of my harvest (mostly peppers) because it’s been so unbearably hot and my pregnant body does not do well in the sweltering heat. I haven’t been pruning and picking and cultivating like I should be. But my tomato plants? They are resilient and they are making some yummy, yummy fruit.

Question. Another girl, hey?

Answer. Yes, believe it or not the chances were 50/50 this time around too!

Question. Are you going to try again for a boy?

Answer. First of all, let’s take them one at a time, ok? Second, I remind you of the 50/50 thing. Third, girls are lovely and I’ve never been sure of the whole “one of each” thing. Fourth, how does one “try” for a boy or girl? Wait, don’t tell me. I have a feeling that involves some pretty graphic details. You know what, let me just call you when we are “trying” and you can give me advice then. Right at that moment. While we are “trying.” And fifth! You’re making me use too many quotation marks.

Question. Was Jacob disappointed this baby wasn’t a boy?

Answer. No. I’m disappointed that you are asking me such a stupid question though.

Question. Are you naming this one something totally weird too?

Answer. Yes, what’s your name? We’ll use that.

Question. Is Poppy really ready to be a big sister?

Answer. She rubs my belly and says “baby.” But she doesn’t really like anyone touching her things and she demands my attention 24/7, so uh, yeah. I think we’re in for a bit of an adjustment period.

Question. Three girls in the house! Poor Jacob is really in for it, huh?

Answer. You obviously don’t have a good grip on our family dynamics. Betcha can’t guess who cries more during movies? And don’t worry about Jacob too much. He’ll sync up his monthly cycle with the rest of us in no time.

People have said really nice things too, but I honestly can’t believe the amount of “boy” comments. I’m sure mothers of only girls or only boys out there can relate to my pain. It’s just completely weird how forward people can get on the subject. Alas, boys and girls are wonderful and we need them all. But please, stop with the comments! My children are unique and whole human beings with a variety of complex interests and personality traits. I’d rather you get to know their personalities then to comment on gender generalities and how crazy it will be for Jacob and all these girls. And the pink everywhere! And the hormones! And the dating! And the crying! And the AHHHH! GIRLS!

I just so happen to like them.

Another honest post from me. Are you shocked? Sunday night has rolled around again and I’m feeling a bit in the dumps. The mothering dumps. And why not share with the Internets because he always has a tissue and hot cup of tea to offer me.

My days and my weeks are becoming like one long run-on sentence of chasing and wiping and changing and reading-to and lifting and redirecting and feeding and cleaning-up and drying tears and helping and holding and quieting and cooking and washing and feeling exhausted.

I want to change my attitude, but it’s difficult when every week feels like the same thing over and over. I don’t get to leave my job at 5pm everyday. I don’t get a weekend that starts on Friday and ends on Sunday. I don’t get to turn the dial down, ever. Monday morning rolls around and I’m never ready. Sometimes I cry. Even a change of scenery doesn’t bring refreshment because I’m always, always MOM. What am I doing wrong? How can I change my approach? How can I change my heart? I feel touched-out, worn-thin, and run-down. And I feel guilty. What I do is important, and loving my daughters and my husband is a noble job indeed. Just sometimes, it’s hard and it’s hard to keep focus and it’s hard to be tired and to want a break so very badly. Even for a day.

Know what I mean?

And they stay in their jammies until noon sometimes…

And they refuse to eat anything except chocolate cake and bananas…

And they get sick and cranky and want to watch THE ELMO MOVIE a hundred times…

And they get mad at you for saying “No”…

And they are so, so, so, so the best people on the planet.

[Image from Marang Studios's shop on Etsy]

So, I’m tired. And prioritizing like nobody’s business. Making real time for real life people. Slowing down, being more present, staying healthy. I’ve cut out unnecessaries like Facebook, television, a perfectly-ordered home, pride, selfishness, and feelings of inadequacy. And instead I am focusing on my children, my husband, and our extended families. That’s it. Sometimes so many people need me and the only way to be there for everyone is to stop, slow down, and be brave. To go forward lovingly and intentionally knowing that everything that doesn’t matter will fall away. This concept makes more sense in my head than on paper, I think. But the idea is simple. Life is too precious and people are too important to let busyness get in the way. I am grateful for this lesson.

So if you are looking for me online, I am still here at Crunchy Cursive, of course. And I also keep my Flickr photostream fairly up to date. If there is one thing in my life that never stops, it’s all the adorable photo opportunities that Poppy presents in her quest for eternal cuteness.

I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can’t do a handstand–
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said–
I’m just not the same since there’s rain in my head.

[It's not actually raining here today, but it might as well be]

I made a music mix for Poppy when I was pregnant with her, and she still listens to it nearly every day. I think it’s never too early for good music, and I love telling my kids that they have special songs picked out just for them. Songs all about their unique personalities and my love for them. Because who doesn’t need to feel like David Bowie is singing only for her every once and a while?